7 patterns of couples who ended up in divorce or in breakup, therapist reveals

In modern times, love, relationships and marriages have become all the more complex it seems. Modern love feels like walking a tightrope— swipe-right romance meets endless distractions, leaving marriages as fragile as glass. While dating apps promise perfection and social media constantly gives is #CoupleGoals, but the reality of relationships and marriages are quite different. In fact, marriages are hard work. More than love, it is all about choosing your partner every single day. Here we list some of the common patterns that indicate that a couple’s relationship might not work out in the long run, as shared by couples therapist Dr. Nicole LePera in her social media post. Here’s what they are.
Note: The good part is that once you have noticed these patterns and changed them, it can help make you relationship survive the test of time.

“They vented to family members often about their partners. If their partner expressed discomfort with members of their family, they brushed it off or ignored it,” the couples therapist shared. Sharing or venting about your fights to your mom, sister or others in the family poisons your privacy and makes your partner question your loyalty. Your partner may feel ganged up on; and so, a couple’s trust erodes. Healthy couples draw lines with their families. They handle their stuff on their own and maintain their privacy.

Explaining it, the therapist said, “They would have conflict, then give each other the silent treatment or have circular conversations where nothing got resolved. There weren’t authentic apologies or change in behaviour.” Their fights continue without fixes—stonewalling starves connection. Also, apologising without actually changing your behaviour doesn’t help in repairing your relationship. Real repair happens when you own the hurt, listen deeply, and change your patterns.

“One partner was much more invested in the relationship than the other. They wanted to talk it out, plan things together, and work to change, but their partner was shut down and showed little interest,” she said, and rightly so! Lopsided love drains—chaser burns out, avoider checks out. Constant emotional labour (like planning, probing, placating) breeds resentment. Couples in balanced relationships share their load through mutual check-ins, and equal effort. Meanwhile, emotionally shutting down signals disinterest.

“Small jabs, especially in front of other people, breaks down trust and make others uncomfortable. With time, the ‘jokes’ build resentment,” she said. Publicly poking your partner chip their dignity. Healthy humour lifts both the partners, while sarcasm sinks. Publicly making fun of your partner erodes their private trust. And, over the years, such “jokes” justify cruelty. Flip the script by publicly celebrating your partner’s achievements and honouring their quirks. This will make them feel seen and valued.

“There was an expectation of perfection. They struggled to accept that their partner is a human being with flaws who will hurt them at times and make mistakes,” she said. Remember, grace fosters safety— and vulnerability helps your relationship grow. No one is flawless; but true love accepts people as they are.

“There was an expectation that their partner should ‘just know’ what they want or meet their needs without directly communicating or asking for what they needed,” she explained. Unspoken needs lead to unmet resentments. Instead, healthy love voices their vulnerably. Such couples don’t play mind games. They communicate freely and boldly.

“Partnership means accepting a new version of the person you love over and over again. When one partner doesn’t evolve or becomes angry when their partner does, the relationship itself stops growing,” she said. Remember, true love adapts: couples in healthy relationships cheer their partners to take up new hobbies, or work on themselves. While, insecurity stalls both. Marriages thrive when both partners evolve together.