Between 11 and 18 months, toddlers can embark on a culinary adventure—or sometimes, a frustrating detour as they explore the world of picky eating. This behavior is often tied to their physical growth slowing down and new developmental leaps. Parents are encouraged to breathe easy and implement a ‘Division of Responsibility.
As a child nutritionist and a mom who has worked with thousands of families around the world, I do hear this a lot “My 14-month old used to eat everything. Now he just throws, spits, refuses food.
It is exhausting.”Can you relate? Trust me, you are not alone and more importantly, this is completely normal.Between 11 and 18 months, almost every toddler goes through a picky eating phase. This is due to many reasons. Their growth rate slows dramatically after the first year, they have tripled birth weight in first 12 months, so now they will only gain a few kgs a year. This leads to a natural drop in appetite. At the same time, they also go through toddlerhood where they learn the word no, they learn to walk and they start testing boundaries and become very aware of their surroundings and preferences.
Add in food neophobia (which is a sudden fear of foods), foods they used to love now they start questioning. Oh, and yes the toddler tantrums come into play, where they start doing things that are so hard to explain because their brain is still developing leading to battles at mealtimes.The main advice I want to give to parents is to not panic. This is the critical age where how you respond to your toddler is what is setting up the habits.
If they throw food and then you bring in a toy, that is the consequence they are learning. If they refuse a food, and you make something else, that is the habit that is being set. So, it is important to understand that all toddlers go through this phase, it is how you handle it that will let this phase pass.
This phase doesn’t last forever if we stop fighting it and start working with it.
The Golden Rule: Division of Responsibility
This is the simple framework called the Division of Responsibility that must apply to mealtimes.
Parents decide WHAT, WHEN and WHERE food is served. Child decides IF and HOW MUCH they eat. We need to focus on what we can control as parents and understand that kids are in charge of their own bodies. If we offer them foods at regular intervals their body will figure what it needs. If we try and control the if and how much- by forcing another bite, offering a new meal or bribing with toys or TC then we create anxiety around food.
When we let go of that control, stay consistent and teach our kids to listen to their own hunger cues – we are helping them build that skill for life.I know this is easier said than done. So Here are some practical strategies that work.Make sure they are actually hungry- a lot of kids are snacking throughout the day or having too much milk, that when it comes time to the meal they are too full. Keep a 2-2.5 hour gap between meals.
Limit milk to 8-12 ounces max post 12 months. Create a calm, peaceful mealtime environment- all kids want is our time, attention and fun. Make sure you make mealtimes a happy place- play soft music, eat with them, use fun utensils, make sure there is a safe food in every meal. It should be a place they feel safe to come to and not fear it.Offer safe foods and tiny portions- the way you present the food can also make a big difference.
If we place too much food in front of them, kids can feel overwhelmed. Put a tiny amount of each food, including one food you know they tolerate and then refill accordingly. Food play is everything- If there are certain foods they ar refusing to eat, forcing them is not the solution. Instead, during playtime as them to do an activity with it- touch it , smell it, paint with it, build a tower or feed their favorite toy. Onc they start interacting with it, they feel good around it you can start offering it at mealtimes without pressure.Kitchen is closed after meals- If they only ate two bites and they are done, we must acknowledge it but hold boundaries. We can try once after 30 minutes to offer the meal again. If they don’t want it then you have to close the kitchen and only offer the next meal an hour or two later. This way they will learn that they will only get food at set times and they need to eat enough then.
When to Worry (and When Not To)
Overall, if your child is having a bowel movement every day, has a few pees and has energy, meets milestones- then the pickiness is almost always developmental.
Look at the whole week and not just one day. Most toddlers self- regulate well when parents stay calm and consistent.If you are noticing that your child is refusing an entire food group, like doesn’t touch any fruits or is showing extreme weight loss, fatigue- then it is best to check with your doctor to rule out any nutrient deficiencies.
You’ve Got This
The picky phase does feel endless when youre in it, but it passes faster the more we resist and start connecting instead. Your job isn’t to make them eat, it’s to offer variety, stay calm, and make the table a safe, happy place.You’re doing an amazing job. This phase is temporary, the confident, adventurous eater on the other side is worth every messy meal.
