Even after a major fight, your relationship isn’t over. Harvard professor Arthur Brooks suggests four simple habits can mend a marriage. Prioritize fun and laughter, make genuine eye contact during conversations, engage in regular physical affection, and consider meditating or praying together. These consistent practices can significantly strengthen your bond.
Your relationship isn’t over. Not yet. You probably had the worst fight. Maybe long distance crept in, or perhaps you said things that cannot be taken back. Yes, it may feel heavy right now, and the silence in the room is growing.
But it’s not over. According to Harvard professor Arthur Brooks, your marriage (long-term relationship) can still be fixed if you are willing to master these four simple habits. They are not grand gestures or loud affection, but small, consistent practices that can rewire your brain for connection.
Have fun together
The first thing on Brooks’ list is pretty simple. Have fun. Laugh together. Play more. According to Arthur Brooks, a New York Times bestselling author and happiness expert, almost all marriages are repairable.
While appearing on the Tim Ferriss Podcast, he revealed that couples should start having fun together. “More fun, less grievance. Therapy is like, grievance, grievance, grievance. Have more fun together,” he said.
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Make real eye contact
Most of us are now glued to our phones and digital devices. There is hardly any eye contact. According to Brooks, making eye contact is crucial for maintaining a genuine connection. Most of the time, we are physically present but mentally elsewhere, scrolling through phones while sitting across from someone we promised to love forever.
“The third protocol is to make eye contact whenever you talk. Never talk without making eye contact. Way more important for your wife than it is for you. Way more important because she gets three times as much oxytocin, which means she’s better at bonding, but it also means that she’s better at starving when she’s not getting enough oxytocin. Eye contact from the beloved, which is when you have eye contact with a newborn baby, oxytocin is like the 4th of July inside your head, which is why you wouldn’t leave the baby on the bus because suddenly the baby’s kin, right? It’s an evolved phenomenon,” he explained.
Physical affection
Touch is a biological necessity for connection. If touch is your love language, please express that. Hold her hands. Embrace him. Kiss your partner. This releases oxytocin and lowers cortisol, the stress hormone. Maintaining physical affection is crucial in romantic relationships. It is linked to higher satisfaction and better conflict resolution. You will feel calmer around your partner’s body. “Remember ABT, always be touching, always be touching, always be touching.
More important for men than for women, as a matter of fact. That’s why when you’re with your beloved, and she hooks her arm into your arm while you’re walking down the street, you’re like, I’m big and strong,” he added.
Meditate or pray together
Now, the habit that can change things. Pray or meditate together. This practice will bring you together. This simple activity creates a synchronisation of breaths and a body. This will sync your body. Even five or 10 minutes of daily meditation or prayer can help. “The best way to do that is by meditating together, by praying together, by doing right hemisphere activity together,” Brooks said.These habits don’t change your relationship overnight. But these small habits, over time, will make your bond more meaningful.
